


Cucurbita pepo summer

by Toast_Senpai



Category: The Yogscast
Genre: Cooking, Dialogue Heavy, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-11-21 18:01:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11362716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toast_Senpai/pseuds/Toast_Senpai
Summary: Is there really too much of a good thing when that thing is food?





	Cucurbita pepo summer

**Author's Note:**

> Loosely based on my own experiences.

“Ross, what’s all this?” Trott asked, eyes jumping between several piles of dark green zucchini that were scattered about the kitchen. 

“ _ This _ is the result of my inability to say no to my mother.” Ross held out his hands. “And would you believe this isn’t even all of them. You should see the size of the garden this year. She went all out.”

Alex came into the room and stopped with a small jerk. He raised an eyebrow. “So what are you doing with these  courgettes? Pretty sure they won’t all fit up your-”

“Smith, really?” Trott interjected and gave the grinning man a light glare. He turned to Ross. “He does have a point though. What  _ are _ you going to do with all these?”

Ross shrugged. “I tried to tell her that three grown men living together rarely want to eat vegetables. It was meant to be a joke, but she took it the wrong way, and before I knew it the car was loaded and now here I am…” Ross picked up one of the longer squashes and held it along his forearm. It stretched from his palm to his elbow. “Know any recipes?” 

“Well sure,” Trott said, “I mean, you can add zucchini to anything really. Pasta, pizza, bread, salad. But the real question is, can the three of us eat all of these?”

Alex leaned against the counter. “Let’s just take a bunch of it to the office. I’m sure no one there is going to say no to home grown veggies.”

Ross looked thoughtful and nodded. “Yeah, especially since everyone has been on a health kick lately.” 

Alex picked up two and gave them a shake. “I know for sure that Lewis will want some. He’s like, a vegetarian now.” 

Trott snapped his fingers. “We could send some to Sips.” 

“How much would it be to ship a box over to Jersey?” Ross asked.

Alex shrugged. “I think he’s visiting soon.” 

“Would they let him fly with a suitcase full of courgettes?” Ross wondered.

Trott took out his phone, determined to find some answers.

“What’s the shelf life on these things?” Alex questioned. “Do we have to keep them in the fridge? Because there isn’t much space in there right now.”

Ross rolled his eyes. “I don’t know why you need all that beer kept cold. It’s not like you’re going to drink it all right away.” 

“Hey,” Alex huffed, and he set the zucchini down. “My beer isn’t the only thing in there taking up space. You have a lot of bottles of rosé in there.” 

“I have  _ two _ bottles, Smith. Two.”

Alex threw up his hands. “Yeah, that’s two too many.” 

“I don’t nitpick  _ your _ alcoholic beverage choices, so why do you need to insult mine?”

“Because it’s rosé?”

“And what’s your point?” Ross held one end of the zucchini and smacked the wider part into his palm. He didn’t think it would make the best weapon, but it would probably hurt if he wielded it at Alex’s head. Might even leave a bruise.

Alex seemed to understand the threat. He quickly scanned the squash piles and located a particularly girthy one. This he held out towards Ross, right up close to his face.

“My point is, rosé is garbage,” Alex hissed.

Ross squinted his eyes. “You take that back.”

“Make me.”

Alex spread his legs a little wider, squared his shoulders. Ross puffed out his chest. 

Trott gave a loud sigh. “Would you two knock it off.” He pocketed his phone, not able to find much in the way of answers on the shipping question. “Let’s just sort out what we want to keep and how much we should take to the office.”

Alex tossed his courgette back and forth between his hands. “How about we just give it all away? It’s kind of a boring vegetable anyway.”

“That’s a waste,” Ross said. “We can make plenty of things with these. Or at least add them to stuff.”

“Oh, so now you’re going to cook everyday?” A sly grin stretched Alex’s lips. “This I can get behind.” He slid the zucchini through his fist slowly.

Trott made a grab for it, but Alex held it up high. Ross tried to calm himself.

“I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who even attempts to cook around here. All you want to do is order out.” 

“Problem?”

Trott sidled up next to Ross. “This can be a learning opportunity for all of us, especially  _ you _ , Smith. You’re almost thirty and can barely cook mac and cheese.”

Alex gave him a pointed look down the bridge of his nose. “Excuse me? I know how to cook. I cook steak and potatoes just fine.” 

“Yeah, because it’s so hard to throw a piece of meat on the grill,” Ross grumbled. “It wouldn’t kill you to add some greens to your diet. Lord knows it would help improve your shits.” 

“That was low,” Alex snapped. 

Trott bit his lip to hide his smile. Ross grinned wide.

“Come on,” Trott added, “he’s not wrong.” He checked his watch for the time. “It’s past dinner, so why don’t we make like, fries with some of these?”

Alex pulled a face. “Fries?”

“Yeah. You just roll them in breadcrumbs and bake them. Simple.”

“Sounds terribly bland.” 

Trott set his hands on his hips. “And regular french fries aren’t? It’s literally a chunk of potato, which is  _ bland _ , with some salt on it.”

“Yeah, but you dip that in ketchup or garlic sauce. I don’t think a courgette is gonna taste good in ketchup.”

“It could,” Ross said. “Never tried it before, so we don’t know for sure.” Ross raised a finger. “We could use tomato sauce instead.” 

“That’s a great idea,” Trott agreed.

Alex was still dead set on playing devil’s advocate. “Then why don’t we just make spaghetti and throw some in? At least that way we get carbs too.”

Ross gave that a consideration. “I think there’s such thing as zucchini noodles-”

“No, that’s not what I meant!” Alex exhaled loudly. “Screw it, I don’t want to eat any of these dicks.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Trott couldn’t help the laugh that slipped out. “Are you  _ really _ stuck on the fact that they are kind of penis shaped? Is that why you’re so against them?”

“No,” Alex said, and some would think he did so a bit too quickly. “I just don’t care for them. They’re like mushy peas, except peas actually have flavor.”

Ross rummaged around the kitchen, looking for a cutting board. “We’re going to add salt and pepper. And the breadcrumbs have a hint of garlic.”

“They’ll still be mushy.”

Trott gave a confused look. “Is the texture going to give you some horrible flashback or something? Do you have a traumatic past with these innocent veggies?”

“Oh, please, don’t act like these things are innocent. Look at them.” 

“I’m pretty sure they’re innocent and it’s just your mind that isn’t,” Trott stated. “Please, for the love of God, at least try a few once we get them made. If you don’t like them, then no one is going to force you to eat them.”

Alex grunted, said a tense “fine” and went to the living room. 

Trott watched Ross take out a vegetable cleaver and start chopping the zucchini into fries. 

“He’s quite the man-child, isn’t he?” Trott mused. “Throwing a tantrum about eating veggies, clearly disturbed by their phallic shape…” 

“He sure is a handful,” Ross agreed. “But I’m sure I can make  _ something _ out of these that he’ll like.”

Trott hummed. “I think I know what we can do. My grandma used to make this amazing chocolate cake that was super moist, and for the longest time I didn’t know what she was putting in it because I was never allowed to help make it. And one day I snuck in the kitchen and saw that she added applesauce to it. So I bet we can do the same thing with all these courgettes at our disposal. Smith’ll never know.” 

“That’s… genius, Trott.” 

Trott shrugged. “I didn’t invent it.”

“Well no, but it’s a great idea. I’m sure there are hundreds of recipes out there we can use.”

“Tomorrow I can distract him while you make the cake. Sound like a plan?”

“Sounds like a plan,” Ross affirmed.

He brought the cleaver down with a satisfying thwack, splitting the zucchini clean in half. 

**Author's Note:**

> Can confirm that zucchini fries and cake are excellent.


End file.
